If you are familiar with the bdsm community you may have heard of collaring ceremonies, but what are they? A collaring ceremony is much like a wedding. It binds a submissive and their dominant together in a more formal way. Collaring ceremonies are not to be taken lightly; they are huge deal and to some are even more important than marriage. Collaring ceremonies can be done in many ways; here we will discuss the planning process for mine. Feel free to follow these steps and ideas for your own ceremony!

A really important part of my collaring ceremony is the contract. This contract puts forth our rules, hard and soft limits, along with stating anything else that is vital information for the other party to know. My dominant and I have spent our entire relationship working on building our contract and adjusting as needed. We have it set to be redrawn every three months so that everything stays current.

Next we shopped for my collaring collar. Mine is a lovely thin silver band with my birthstone, opal, in the center. I featured a picture of it below, it is from Daoire on etsy. My collaring collar has an Allen key lock on it that my dominant will have the primary key for and I will have an extra for emergencies.  With his key it will remain on a necklace that he wears at all times this is the other half of our uniting symbol and to us is just as important as my collar. Picking a collar is a very personal experience and can be very emotional. I can’t even begin to describe how many times I cried while we were picking the perfect one.

After we chose the collar we began to plan the ceremony itself. For us we are choosing to do a formal service set up much like a wedding would be. We are still waiting to pick a date since Covid has  made us have to reschedule.  Our friends and family will be invited as they are all very supportive of our bdsm lifestyle so it’s important that it is safe for everyone. I have my dress chosen and am extremely excited to wear it! We are choosing to do it outside and do a set of vows. After the vows are said the collar will be placed around my neck and the contract signed. After that we party! For our party we are choosing to have it set up as a formal attire rave and I am so excited! We are doing this because our bdsm lifestyle is just a important to us as our EDM lifestyle.  I can’t wait to share this amazing experience with everyone!

There are so many ways that you can do your own collaring ceremony but remember you want it to be true to you are your partner. If you prefer small intimate affairs with just a few people do that! If you rather it just be you two that is perfectly okay as well. It’s your special union make it perfect for you!

Here is one of my favorite candid photos of me and my dominant.

     The current times find many of us living in a state of uncertainty that has left several things, such as self-care, by the social-distancing curbside. Something as simple as maintaining a skincare routine can not only keep our skin looking and feeling its best, but it can positively impact our mental health and provide a feeling of normalcy.

     Here are a few ways you can update or improve your skincare routine while quarantining or social-distancing;

Slather on that SPF

     All this time indoors means you don’t need an SPF anymore, right? Surprisingly, the benefits of SPF apply even when we are spending the majority of our time indoors. UV damage can still occur while at home through natural lighting from windows and doors. This can be amplified due to the season, or for those of us who aren’t accustomed to staying home as often, as we aim to keep the curtains drawn and windows open as much as possible.

     A moisturizer fit for your skin type with added SPF can be applied in the morning, so you don’t forget this essential step. 

Skip the Cleanser… Sort Of

     Applying an SPF in the morning means evening cleansing is essential; and a gentle double cleanse can break through both mineral and chemical style sunscreens. Morning cleansing, on the other hand, may be an optional step for some. Try opting for a cleansing water instead of the usual foam or cream cleanser; or just freshen up with a splash of water and skip your morning cleanse all together.

     You’ll want to keep your morning cleanse if your skin is on the combination to oily side, if you are acne prone, or have more sensitive skin; as sudden changes to routine can irritate or otherwise upset your skin. 

Moisturize

     Moisturizing your skin is an essential step to any routine, especially while we are spending more time indoors. The recirculated air in many homes can be very dry; especially for those of us emerging from what feels like a relentless winter. Try checking the humidity in your home and introduce a humidifier alongside a moisturizer fit for your skin type. This can amplify the benefits of your moisturizer, as well as benefit your hair and body.

     With the gift of extra time, try to track your water intake and moisturize your body daily to keep every inch of you soft and hydrated.
 

I’ve personally been adding The Ordinary’s Rosehip Seed Oil to my face and hair alongside my regular moisturizer for a light, calming hydration boost. 

Add Variety With Masks and Exfoliators

     A great way to spice up your routine is the addition of a mask or exfoliating treatment. These can help tackle some specific skincare concerns like brightening, lifting and firming or deep cleansing and purifying. A moisturizing or nourishing mask can be introduced to give your skin a mid week boost. If you’re working from home or self-isolating, try using your mask mid-afternoon as a little mood elevating delight.

     For anyone with more time to devote to skincare, the addition of an exfoliator can really boost your existing skincare regimen.  Plus, who doesn’t love soft and glowing skin?

     Try applying your favourite moisturizing facial mask to the backs of your hands for an extra treat. Hands and cuticles can get dry and cracked easily with frequent hand washing or sanitizing. 

Be Wary of Idle Hands

     Skincare can easily be overdone when we are bored, which can counteract the intended effects. Loading your skin with new steps and products can overwhelm skin, resulting in irritation or breakouts. Try to pre-plan your skincare routine for the week and stick to it; you can always make alterations each week based on what worked for you and what didn’t, but this can help keep you from overloading your skin and burning through your products quicker than intended.

     In addition to pre-planning your weekly routine, slowing down each step can prove beneficial. When cleansing or moisturizing, add in a mini facial massage and work the product around for 30 to 45 seconds. Try using a facial roller throughout the day for a little added pampering – a cold facial roller kept in the fridge can refresh tired or puffy skin.

I personally love slowing down my routine and taking my time; gently massaging my eye area with Sulwhasoo’s Bloomstay Eye Cream and the provided tool – which I keep in the fridge. 

     Hopefully these tips help your skin look and feel its best while you spend more time indoors! Feel free to share your favourite skincare products, or tips that work wonders for your skin in the comments below! 

**Please note that the above article was not written with the intention of minimizing the current pandemic, and the crippling panic many people are grappling with daily. For updates regarding the COVID-19 outbreak, and for information on how you can keep yourself and your loved ones safe, regularly consult with the World Health Organization and the Centre for Disease Control.**

Stay Safe,
Lady Scynestra, the Vamp in Wolf Clothing.

Through my Kittenplay journey, there are a lot of things that I have learned. A lot of the lessons are things I can translate into everyday life. I am so grateful for everything that Kittenplay has taught me, and I’m excited to see what else I can learn through Kittenplay and BDSM. Here are 6 Things I Learned Through Kittenplay:

1. I Can’t Pressure Somebody Into Kittenplay

As important as consent is, there’s a lot of times where it isn’t as obvious as it should be. I remember when I first discovered Kittenplay. I was ecstatic about it, and wanted to get started right away. I researched. I made basic ears. I looked at every online kittenplay website I could. Eventually, I was ready to try it. When I brought it up to my partner, his initial reaction was unexpected. He wasn’t into it. “That’s fine”, I thought. “After experiencing it, he’ll think it’s cute and be into it, right?”. To my absolute and utter surprise, he was not into it, no matter what I did. I wore ears, I got a tail, I read every article titled “How to Get Your Partner into BDSM”, and nothing worked. It took an embarrassingly long time to realize that I was pressuring him into something he didn’t want to do, and therefore, violating consent. The very first lesson I learned in Kittenplay was that it is both wrong and impossible to force somebody to do something they didn’t want to do. Today, I am very careful with ensuring there is excitement on both sides about an activity, sexual or not, before we indulge in it.

2. I Am Encouraged to Say No

It was a big step for me to realize I was allowed to say no to things. It was an even bigger step for me to understand that I’m encouraged to say no. I let myself go through a lot of things for the benefit of my partners. Some were painful, and some were merely uncomfortable. Sex, and other activities, began to feel like a chore. It just wasn’t enjoyable when I was uncomfortable the whole time. Of course, I knew I was allowed to say no, but I felt like I had to save it. I didn’t want to use my “no”, because I wanted to push myself. I wanted to save my “no”, to use it in the most dire of circumstances. Eventually, I guess I got tired of thinking about sex like a chore. I started saying “no” a lot more. “No, that’s not my thing”, “No, can we do this instead?”, “No, let me change positions to something more comfortable”. And you know what? I began to enjoy sex. The more I said “No” to things I didn’t like, the more I was able to enjoy the things I did, and in turn, please my partner more by being more enthusiastic. This was something I could bring into daily life too. “No, I don’t like coffee, can we get smoothies instead?” “No, Mom, I’m not going to visit today.” etc. The world really opened up for me, and allowed me to connect to others in ways that I previously couldn’t.

3. I’m Allowed to Have Standards

BDSM and Kittenplay are a hard limit for me.I will never date somebody that is not a Dom, or will not act as my Owner while I am in Kittenspace. Kittenplay is important to me, and I will not set that aside for anybody. Setting a piece of myself to be in a relationship is counterproductive. Relationships aren’t supposed to be about sacrifices or compromises. They are supposed to be people sharing themselves and their interests. I will never be in a relationship with a person who doesn’t like cats. I have 2 cats, and I’ve seen how non-cat people react to my cats. I don’t deserve that, and my cats definitely don’t deserve that. It’s important to me that I’m dating people who only bring things to the table. If I ever feel like I have to sacrifice or give something up, that means it’s time to walk away. There is always going to be somewhere out there who will enjoy everything I am, and those are the people I will look for in my life.

4. People Will Leave, and That’s Okay

I used to be devastated when people I cared about found their way out of my life. I would do everything I could to be a good friend, girlfriend, or family member so that people wouldn’t leave. It hurt when they did, it wasn’t fair. Friends moved to different cities, boyfriends broke up with me, family members grew distant. As I grew older and got into kittenplay, it was normal for romantic partners to find kittenplay weird, or too far for them, and they would leave. Initially, I responded by hiding my kitten side, not letting partners know until I felt that they were dedicated to the relationship, yet when I opened up, they would disapprove. As I have said above, kittenplay is very important to me. If somebody doesn’t like kittenplay, and leaves because of it, I have to be okay with that. That was carried on to other areas of life too. They don’t like the color of my hair? Or the way I chew? Maybe I don’t think it’s fair that they leave. It doesn’t matter. They’re going to leave. I used to feel as though a piece of me was gone when people left. Now, I have the ability to understand that I am whole with or without other people in my life, and I feel free knowing that my soul can not be affected by people walking out of my life.

5. Communicating With My Partner

We’ve all heard that communication is important to cultivating and maintaining a healthy relationship. This is not only important for a BDSM/Kittenplay relationship, but it is literally impossible to have a BDSM relationship without communicating. In vanilla relationships, it’s easy to go from a dinner date to taking somebody home without much negotiation other than “your place or mine?” In BDSM relationships, there are so many more questions before any activity can start. “What are your hard limits? “Soft limits?” “What are the safewords?” “Who should I call in case something goes wrong?” “Do you have rope? Safety shears?” “What’s your level of experience?” “Do you have references I can talk to?” and the list goes on and on. Of course, in a long term relationship, there’s a lot of daily communication that needs to happen. When I am in kitten space, I am often non verbal. A lot of the communication has to be done either before I go into kitten space, or made clear with body language. I have to talk about things such as how long the scene will last, will Master feed me (I usually do the cooking)? If he does, what will he feed me? Will toys be used? Will we have sex during the scene? Of course, there are times when I can slip in and out of kittenspace without expectation. I have learned that communication is extremely important. If I start slacking in communication, I realize that I start acting out. Brats, of course, are a valid form of submission. In my case, my Owner and I have agreed that I do not get to brat unless it is a scene we have discussed beforehand. If I am acting as a brat, both my Owner and I know that something is not connecting. I am upset, and I am not communicating. I may be acting out to get attention, or I may be acting out because I’m upset about something he did. The lack of communication has a very real effect on my relationship, and it isn’t appropriate to bring that kind of energy to my owner. 

6. Confidence in Myself

My collar is absolutely beautiful. It’s a black leather strip with rhinestones and a padlock heart. It buckles in the back. I made sure I wore it at all times. Well, in my own home anyways. I was terrified of wearing it out in public. I wasn’t ready to be that exposed. The first time I wore it out was by accident, I forgot to take it off before leaving. I didn’t even realize it was on until I got home. Nobody said anything. If people looked at me weirdly, I didn’t notice. Honestly, it felt really freeing. I was slow about integrating it into my life. At first it was only in public where we wouldn’t see anybody we knew, and then it was in more crowded places at the mall. At this moment in time, I can comfortably go to a family gathering wearing my collar.

Confidence is difficult for me, it always has been, and I have a long journey to go before I can say I’m fully confident in myself. Kittenplay has shown me how to begin. The truth is, nobody cares if I’m wearing a collar or ears, and if they do, that doesn’t affect my life in any way. Whether others approve of my gear is truly none of my business. I’m happy with my collar on, and I feel small without it. I have spent my whole life scared to wear things, or to be bold, and frankly, I’m tired of it. I want to wear kitten ears out and about. It’s going to be a process to do that, it’s going to make me nervous at times, but I know that ultimately, I will be my happiest when I can be myself without fear of what others think.

I wanted to add a lot more items on this list, but I didn’t want to overwhelm anybody! If this garners enough interest, I am happy to add a Part 2!    ^_^

Hello Kittens and Gents,

I find it extremely helpful to get recommendations from trusted friends about products . I am going to make a series of posts about things that I have found out and about in this big wide world of things, that really worked for me, that I love and wear often. After weeks of admiring it, I finally decided to take the plunge and make the purchase. This collar by Succuba was my very first collar purchase and I was quite happy with it. Even unboxing it, I was very pleasantly surprised. The box is very upscale and luxurious.

It even has a small key that can open the lock on the collar. The key has a nice ribbon and they key is well made. The key has a very sturdy finish and the ribbon has a super cute scalloped edging to it.  It’s a thoughtful and lovely touch to the product.

The collar looks great on. As you can see, it’s a velveteen, black finish, and has held up to time. The hardware, the buckles, and things are quite sturdy. The lock is very heavy in your hand. You can tell that it’s well made and will stand the test of time with some care and consideration.

The ribbon and heart lock design have stolen MY heart! The only critique I would make is that it’s a bit big on my tiny neck. Mine is only about 12.5 inches around, and I do believe that it would fit a traditional 13-15 inches. It doesn’t have enough loops to make it fit, and would be slightly more comfortable on a larger nape, but another loop can always be added to make it more comfortable.

Everything that came in this little black box is worth the reasonable price! You can check the brand out here. While I got mine on Amazon, I believe they can also be purchased for a similar price through Wish, too. It looks like this particular model has been discontinued, but there are many other adorable options still available.

I hope this helps you in your Kitten apparel shopping journey! I hope one day we can have an open exchange of great, tried and true items for us to compare and buy.